What is people pleaser?
People pleasers are those who don't know how to refuse others. They are always pleasing other people. People pleasers put others' needs first and dedicated to satisfying them. It seems as though they are all-time trying to win everyone's recognition and fondness, making everyone else happy except themselves. This deep "Good Guy Complex" is torturing them, and the following pressure even interferes their normal life and the overall well-being.
Specifically, people pleasers usually display the following four characteristics:
Lacking healthy personal boundaries
拥有清晰个人边界的人最明显的标志之一，就是足够坚定。边界意识好的人知道自己有权利拒绝，他们清楚自己能够接受什么，不能接受什么，既尊重别人，也保护自己。The most significant symbol of having clear personal boundary is that this person is sufficiently determined. Those with a good sense of boundary know that they have their right to say no. They are fully aware of what they can accept or not. Therefore they can both respect others and protect themselves. 相反的，缺乏健康边界的讨好者们则不会说"不"，且觉得自己需要对他人的情绪和行为负责。比如，因为"怕他们不开心"而拒绝不了父母对自己个人情感生活的干预和介入，就是典型的缺乏良好个人边界的体现。 Contrarily, those people pleasers who don't have a healthy boundary, however, won't say "no." Besides, they think they are responsible for other people's feelings and behaviors. For example, the fact that some people can't say no to their parents who interfere their personal relationships just because they are "afraid to upset them" is a typical example of lacking good personal boundary.
Very weak at making decisions
讨好者做决定往往是基于对"对方想要听什么"的猜测，因此，独立做选择对他们而言尤其困难。毕竟，他们并不总能猜到合对方心意的选项是哪一个，也害怕自己选择了对方不满意的。The decisions which the people pleasers make are mostly based on the speculations of "What others would want to hear?" Therefore, making choices independently is especially difficult for the people pleasers. After all, they can't always get the right answers and they are scared to make a wrong choice. 所以，像是"没关系，我都可以"、"挑你喜欢的就好"这样的话是讨好者们常挂在嘴边的。So, the people pleasers always will say things like "No problem, I'm all good." or "I'm ok with whatever you like."
Don't know how to ask for help
The people pleasers are always afraid of causing other people troubles, even though they are in trouble all the time. They won't ask for help for even the tiniest things. If they have to ask others for help, they will feel a sense of guilt or culpability.
Not living a life they want
Translated from KY(knowyourself)